December 15, 2015
We are inundated with trivia, crap, and annoying beings in cyberspace. But if you step outside into the ‘real’ world, you will be confronted by the same, only it’s real and organic and you can’t turn it off!
There are tinglely moments when viewing an amazing video or touched by a song, but you can’t eat, drink or excrete or fornicate in the web. Your brain may get tricked for awhile but eventually even the craziest lunatic has to breathe, sneeze, or ingest nourishment to continue their existence.
I’ve noticed when I sleep, I do not exist for periods of time. This is troublesome. Who knows what things are chewing on me. I think it’s safe to say that you too are infested with mostly tiny but voracious bugs, swimming in your blood, crawling in and out of your nose, having a happy hot party on your genitalia (good name for a cat!) and eating your brain.
I made up the brain eating stuff. But it’s true, we are made more of not me, than me. Billions of bugs are me. I’m paranoid, the bugs, not so much. That seems a big unfair. I’d talk to God or whoever is in charge, but I suspect s/he/it is probably just a big bug. Not an evil bug, necessarily, but a bug is a bug. They’re just not very huggy.
PS: There are bugs on Mars.
Examples of some of our universal masters. Amen.
August 8, 2015
It’s time to let the freak flag fly. Now illusions were killed in the making of this historical rambling.
At some point, contributing to my KickAssStarter should be nagging on your conscience.
June 11, 2015
Not that I’m what you’d call a friendly alien. I would just as soon have sex with you then eat you. Well, not really eat, just chew on you some. Screaming is optional.
I doubt my people will ever rescue me. Thank god for Blue Bunny Vanilla Bean ice cream. No artificial ingredients, no gums or preservatives. Delicious. And I often smear it all over me on very hot days.
May 5, 2015
National Squeeze Udders Day
My Toenail Fell Out and It’s Freaking Me Out Week
Morbid Movieiers Month
Once a Year Punch Yourself in the Face Day
April 30, 2015
Animals copulate and voila! a baby. Cause and effect, or coincidence? Well, if you had a baby every time you copulated, ok. But really, that doesn’t happen. Space aliens or alternate universe doppelgangers are actually implanting alien fetuses in us. They look like us, but they are not us. We estimate approximately 81% of babies are non-human. Our planet is a birthing place for aliens.
Coincidences are simply grouped occurrences of the same phenomenon. In fact the sun does not rise every day.
Enough said. You get the idea? It’s not as crazy as it sounds. The next time you brush your teeth or wipe your butt, ponder: which action prevents tooth decay?
Reality is a very scary place. Don’t inspect it too closely. Just eat your pizza, drink your beer, and don’t walk under ladders.
October 6, 2014
Six degrees of Ebola.
Check your connections if you dare. It seems far away, It is not.
I’m not trying to create hysteria. It’s a fact of life.
Too much monoculture (GMO organisms, clones, sowing millions of acres of one species, etc.) leads to opportunities for quick and massive disease spread.
In our modern world, you’d think we’d be able to control outbreaks. Viruses, in particular, are very tiny, very mutabile, and very mobile.
Personally, some good vodka should solve the problem if administered properly, although I suspect epic Kentucky bourgon might do as well.
Or just spending your next few years in the bathtub filled with chlorine or vinegar or your hot lover.
Or an asteroid may take us all out before any stupid bug gets us.
Oh, we’re doomed! We’re no more than gerbils in the universe. Sigh.
June 30, 2014
The Only Dream In Town by H. Richard Doigt (Undeceased)
my imagination was running away with me
come back, I shouted, but it did not listen
the rootbeer floats had gotten the better of it